Dappled afternoon light seeps through my angled window blinds. I close my eyes and sigh as my cartoonish theme song mysteriously begins to play. It somehow always let’s me know when a new case is about to begin.
On cue, there is a knock at my door. “Come on in,” I say.
The door slowly opens revealing a gorgeous woman with satin black hair. She could not look more perfect if an artist had drawn her. I regret that I didn’t unclutter my office this morning. I could have at least hid the piles of unpaid bills.
She confidently struts in, wearing a sexy, tight-fitting blue dress that seems undetachable from her body.
My gadget eyes pop out and I quickly jam them back into place.
“I hear you’re the best.” Her voice is like dew dropping in a rainforest. This is, of course, very true. Practically every week, I am called upon to save the world from evil villains.
“I’m here to help.” I try to demonstrate humility as my unique robotic technology plays a pivotal role in my success.
She half sits on my oak desk. “My name is Veronica and I need you to rescue my kidnapped friend.” She flutters her eyelashes. Her voice is sultry and her lips pouty and it takes all my concentration to focus on what she is actually saying.
She lays a photograph in front of me of another woman of impossible beauty. Clearly, this is the person I must rescue. Wide innocent eyes, a sweet smile and an elegant dress. I’m hooked.
“Bell.” Veronica says. I look at the small brass bell on my desk and she laughs, a soft tinkling sound. “No, the girl you must find. Her name is Bell.”
“The police?”
“The bad guys will kill her if I go to them.”
“Well, not to fear, missy. You’ve come to the right place. Why, I’ll rescue her in no time.”
Veronica folds her hands to her heart and says, “Oh, thank you, Inspector Gadget. I knew I could rely on you. Hurry, we haven’t much time.”
She leads me outside to a beautifully restored classic purple Corvette. She starts to get in the driver seat, but I hold my hand out. “You can navigate, my dear. As you said, ‘time is of the essence.’”
Every gentle push of my foot lurches the car forward faster than I expect. It’s almost as hard to control as my inbuilt robotics. Each time I find my speed becoming unmanageable, I gently tap the stiff breaks. This causes the tires to skid arching S’s on the road. Veronica is chewing her lovely nails. Maybe she’s hungry. I turn and start to tell her why she shouldn’t do that, when we hit a sharp, gravely turn. We spin out and smash into a fence alongside a pasture.
The car won’t start, but we are unharmed. I spot a nearby steed, chewing grass and staring at us with bored eyes. He’s a chestnut bay with a black mane and tail. As an avid equestrian, I recognize this obvious alternative.
Veronica’s dress is so tight that she must ride side-saddle, without the saddle, that is. I think she’s impressed with my resourcefulness. “Go-Go-Gadget reins,” I say, and my arms turn into a bridle and reins.
With her direction, through a forest, she leads us to a majestic castle. Instead of bricks, though, it appears, the builder has used Lincoln-Logs to give the castle a log-cabin feel.
“I shall now rescue your friend.” I face the castle and command my body. “Go-Go Gadget Legs.”
Coiled legs spring out from under me. I fly high into the air and land in the murky moat. I clamber up the bank, but I slip back a few times because of the coils on my legs. I try to wipe the mud from my white green tropical shirt, but it seems it is now tan and green. I now regret not wearing my tan, trench coat that I usually bring.
I finally stumble back to Veronica and say, “Let’s try that again. Go-Go Gadget Legs.” This time, they spring me right up to the roof, but my momentum carries me to spring off to the opposite side of the castle. My legs then bounce me right back to the castle’s roof courtyard. Not wanting to spring off again, I lift my legs up and say, “Go-Go Gadget Butt.”
Immediately, my butt swells into a giant balloon. When I land, it makes a whoopee-cushion ruckus as it deflates.
If the bad-guys don’t know I’m coming, they sure do now.
Winding stairs curve down from the rooftop. I am greatly startled to see three medieval looking knights with spears. But, why not, this is a castle, after all. I trip and start rolling, so again I say, “Go-Go Gadget Butt.” Like a giant snowball, I avalanche down on top of the men. I apologize but I don’t think they hear me. Their spears are harmlessly absorbed by my ultra-diaper. At the bottom of the stairs, my butt retracts, un-harmed. The soldiers are unconscious.
A great, echoing hall looms before me, decorated in dozens of ornate draperies. In the middle of the room, the exquisite girl from the photograph is tied to a red, timeworn, school desk-chair. She is gagged. Otherwise, I know she would be trying to profusely thank me.
I go over to her and remove the gag so that she may do so. Suddenly, a large golden cage crashes down around me.
A trap! I should have known!
Veronica enters the hall.
“Hurry! Help us!” I shout.
She grins and sashays towards Bell and me.
Ending Version 1
“I knew you’d take the bait. I need the technology from your cybernetic body to restore my kitty cat, fluffy, back to life. Your life was irrelevant anyway.”
Ending Version 2
“I work for the CIA. We can’t permit our technology to be used in such a public setting. You’ll have to be dismantled.”
Ending Version 3
“My daddy is your arch-nemesis, Mr. Claw. He said he’d guarantee my dear Archie will marry me, if I brought you to him.”
Ending Version 4
“The world has no more room for your brand of chauvinism, Uncle Gadget. It is I, your niece Penny, who solved all of your cases. You abandoned me in that vat of acid, but I escaped. It took years of reconstructive surgery, and I look very different, but I will finally have my revenge.”
Ending Version 5
Bell approaches and hugs me from behind, “I have dreamed my whole life of being united with you, my big beast. Now we shall be together forever.”